A NOTE FOR YOU By Robert D Neal

A NOTE FOR YOU
By Robert D Neal

This was my horoscope today, it hit home. Aries March 21 - April 19• It is possible that the past few weeks have allowed you to become a little bit clearer concerning certain questions you have about your feelings in regard to what you think your destiny is. It would now be better for you to stop thinking about such things and let life take over for you. You are well armed for this kind of thing!

I’m going to be very real and very transparent with you all. There are times when I really struggle with ” feeling ” what to say and how to say it.

As one comes to the point of realization that they are going to die, a process begins; a journey from the known life of this world to the unknown of what lies ahead. As that process begins, I have started on a mental path of discovery, comprehending that death will indeed occur and believing in my own mortality. The journey ultimately leads to the physical departure from my body. Death is a personal journey for me that each of us individually approaches in our own unique way. Nothing is set in concrete, nothing is set in stone. There are many paths one can take on this journey but all lead to the same destination. I know I’m not alone in this situation. But I don’t know where all the others are. And in my circle of family and friends I certainly am not the only one in this situation. I just know it will come sooner then later for me that’s all, which makes it almost impossible to talk about. If I want to talk about my death, it saddens others. They don’t want to hear it nor want to deal with it. I am sure there are places to go and people to talk to if I want to talk about the practical side of death and dying, but what about the emotional stuff?

Not all of us are going to grow old and grey. Some of us, for whatever reason, are going to die in our prime. But we need to remember that everyone is dying – we just get to die young and beautiful! Whatever the reason, it can be very hard to come to terms with the fact that we are dying young; there are milestones along this journey. Because everyone experiences death in their own unique way, not everyone will stop at each milestone. Some may hit only a few while another may stop at each one, taking their time along the way. Some may take months to reach their destination, others will take only days. The only good thing about being on an emotional roller coaster is that you never feel the same way for long.

Now I Am Only a Fraction of What I Was, You see I was taken off work about two years ago and fighting this government for social security, what a concept at my age. Well now almost two years later my case was sent to California and I was assigned a Judge from there it was going to be a satellite TV hearing but the Judge came here to Michigan at the US Courthouse, which by the way is very nice courthouse. To hear my case it was funny I was her only case, well all the experts for the court were still in California and were on intercom and they gave their medical expertise on my case and all the medical record that has been piled on me. And after that the doctors said to me that they were very sorry for me, I started to cry on what they were saying to me and about my condition, and the judge looked at me and said Mr. Neal you are getting all your money owed and you are getting your social security. I told the judge that I was


sorry for crying, and she said that its ok I was her only case and she had nowhere to be. And then she looked at her fellow court room law partners and said out of her 50 year career this was the shortest case ever.

So you will know what the Doctors said about me, well that is why I was crying it really did not surprise me, inside me I already new. I am now listed as terminally ill, and will not be on the heart transplant list I will not live long enough to receive it. I want everyone who is reading this to understand!

It’s ok I have come to terms with my condition and where I am heading I have been searching my self and how I truly feel about the realization of heaven and hell, good and bad, My personal journey for me is that I am approaching in my own unique way.

Death is not a pleasant topic of conversation. Trust me I understand that really I do but the one thing I will truly never accept is the lack of concern from people when they know someone is dying. In my experience I wish people could understand me when I say that it’s a part of me, yes its not who I am but it’s there and no way of getting around it. I truly wished my family was the kind that you see on TV or the families at a park chatting hanging out just enjoying being together but I am sure that will never happen in my lifetime. And you know that really sucks!! I can remember when we were all kids and went to the park had a great time picnics playing ball just being together. Even though I can truly say I have never been too close to my brothers or sisters. I have always felt like an outsider looking in through a window that was locked and not letting me in. but at this point in my life I will say I have always felt close to my mother and felt her love and always will. I love you mom.

It’s funny my friends, Hmmmm when I was in the hospital from a heart attack about 2 years now all my friends stopped talking to me never answered my calls and never called me back, which made them not truly a friend, I do Have 3 very special friends in my life that are close to me, and their names are My Mom ( Myrtle Mitchell), Lisa Kernes, Cathy Quick. I love you guys more than you will ever know. And my online friends even though we have never met, I am glad you are my friends.

I want to thank you for reading this and letting me share a little with you! And if you only remember one thing, Dying alone is not fun and that is where I will be.

Robert Neal
November 7th 2009

Remember this, I will be Fine. I have come to terms with my Destiny and accept it for what it is. Death is unique and therefore each person's experience is unique and is a part of Life’s Journey. Having you with me in that Journey is all up to you!